NOT LOVE – To try and capture another in the name of love is not love - Dave Weller

NOT LOVE – To try and capture another in the name of love is not love

When we seek outside ourselves for what we think will make us feel complete or fulfilled we can easily fall into the trap of thinking another person is the answer.

The patterns that come from this misunderstanding of where our fulfilment is to be found can keep playing out in negative ways until we start to see that it doesn't work that way.

It often takes the form of insecurity.
This is insecurity playing out creating thoughts such as: "If they want me from outside, I may become more complete and if they don’t, then I am lacking in some way.’

This often shows up as an idea - e.g. ‘I have been rejected’, ‘I am not good enough’, ‘I am not lovable’.

These common false beliefs cause all sorts of issues if not addressed.

They innocently cause a ‘neediness’-type response to future potential partners.

Two common patterns:

1. Fear of real connection and becoming vulnerable, which blocks intimacy.
Refusing to connect because of needing to protect against rejection.

This lack of intimacy forces people to grow apart - even if what they say they want or desire is the opposite. So with this one, you want to be loved but also refuse to let it in or to let it deepen.

2. Neediness as a behaviour.
This neediness is not attractive and will wear thin very quickly. This then produces the same rejection experience over again, which leads to re enforcing the ‘I am not lovable’ belief and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Loving someone has nothing to do with either of these fearful patterns. When you truly love another, you will not want to capture them in order to fix your needs - you will let them fly free and want them to be happy, even if it's not with you.

Keep your love for them separate from your insecure feelings, neediness or hurt.

If you do not, it turns into being all about you and your pain, and not about the love you say you have for them.

Everyone is doing the best they can with whatever level of understanding they have right now, and only that.

You cannot be wiser ahead of time.

If you feel you need any help to understand or get clear on any of the patterns I have written about above, then why not just ask a question?

#selfacceptance #fulfilment #becomeyourownhero #beingyourguide⠀

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